Facing Death...dum de dum dum
Death is such an ugly topic, no matter who you are. It's depressing, messy, convoluted, and affects everyone, if they're honest about it, in some deeply personal way. Thing is, I used to think the idea of my own death didn't affect me. Contemplating my own death was like contemplating some other major life event, but it did not inspire any deep emotional reaction. I guess I always hoped and kind of presumed that my death, when it happened, would mean something. That somehow it would give back to the world something it would have otherwise lost, and would therefore make my death 'ok', or at least would come in a time and way that was acceptable to me. Except that facing death now strips me of all those illusions. If I die of cancer (I have stage IV lung cancer), then it will render my death somewhat...well... meaningless. Sure, maybe some insights or something I've learned while contemplating death by cancer will help someone in some vague way, but is th